Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church.

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.


-Frequently wears black clothing- Damn right I do.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. I don’t have any.. so no o_O
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish. I need money to get those.
-Wears any odd silver jewellery or symbols- Yep..
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos- I have one tattoo.. and I’m gonna get peircings
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)-- MM PWNS! –headbangs-
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically-- Uh… yeah!
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports— Chruch makes me sleepy…
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan-- Vampires are sexy.. and magic.. well.. its sparkly!
-Takes drugs— Only one for now.
-Drinks alcohol-- Yep.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed-- I get depressed occasionally..
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health centre) I cut inanimate objects.. does this count?
-Complains of boredom-- Yep.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little-- I’m like a cat.. I sleep alooooot.
-Is excessively awake during the night— I’m a night owl.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy-- I’m a damn loner, get over it XD
-Spends large amounts of time alone— Read above, fool.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)-- Evil spirits? O_o I’m scared!
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult— Well yeah… we can’t exactly get shitfaced while my mom is there xD.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this
-Misbehaves at school – I was a good student… that didn’t do her homework
-Misbehaves at home. -- Only if someone pisses me off…
-Eats excessively or too little-- Only when I’m hungry…
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this— Count Dracula cereal? Wtf. Its Count CHOCULA YOU DUMBFUCKS!
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) – No.. but one of my friends does.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)-- Lets watch.. Treehouse television with Barney and eat carrots. Stfu you AHOLE!
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. – Uh.. Bloody Roar? XD Yeah.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.— I’m on now aren’t I?
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.-- -headbangs to Devil Driver- >_<!!!!
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. – I turn mah self on with my sexy movements XD
-Expresses an interest in sex. – I’m a nymphomaniac.. so yes.
-Masturbates. --- Read above, dork.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual – All I can say is that I like men better…
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a Goth".-- No.. but I have safety pins going up one sleeve of my sweater.
-Claims to be a Goth. -- No.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. -- How are Philosophy and Buddhism cult religions? I didn’t even know Philosophy WAS a religion o_o
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Now look back at this. By the examples provided here. I MUST BE A GOTH! Interesting… These were provided by some Catholic church, but you know what? This quiz thingy doesn’t matter. I am me, and I will do what the fuck ever I want. I’m not a bad person that worships Satan.. though... I heard he was hot xD.